you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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