dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
