tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
