you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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