u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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