I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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