Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
