I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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