Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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