bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
