guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
