You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
