Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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