Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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