Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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