If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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