I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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