If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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