we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
