Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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