I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
