Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
