why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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