No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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