I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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