So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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