I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
