hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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