why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
