I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
