Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
false alarm. still invincible.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
