we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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