i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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