That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
worst night to have a conscience
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I lost the right to judge tonight
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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