I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We are all done wearing pants today
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
