i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
