i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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