i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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