I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
