I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
its not stalking. its research.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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