I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
