Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
