My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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