She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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