He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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