Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
