well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
