i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
