OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
