My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
