dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
