it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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