so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
