If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
