New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
